Can we talk about Spy Kids 3 for a second because it’s just the MOST BAFFLING CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE EVER
First we open to LITTLE BABY SELENA GOMEZ
THE PRESIDENT IS GEORGE CLOONEY?
Later we see Juni’s grandpa who is KHAN??
who spends the whole movie chasing a butterfly
THE VILLAIN IS SYLVESTER STALLONE
WHO GETS VILLAIN ADVICE FROM THREE OTHER SYLVESTER STALLONES
ELIJAH WOOD SHOWS UP
ONLY TO DIE IN THE NEXT SCENE
Then we find out that the president was actually the villain the whole time which makes ZERO SENSE but leads to this glorious George Clooney Sylvester Stallone impression
Then we get Antonio Benderez doing this?
AND THEIR UNCLE WHO IS STILL MACHETE
AND THEN STEVE BUSCEMI SHOWS UP ON A FLYING PIG FOR NO REASON
HOW WAS THIS A MOVIE???
Apparently it’s not socially acceptable for a man to invite another man out just for coffee or to go out for a meal, in case it’s perceived as a date. Like it’s fine if you wanna go to the pub and drink beer and have a chat but make it non-alcoholic and suddenly you’re not straight anymore? You can go to the cinema together but ONLY if it’s an action movie. You guys can’t even just go shopping with each other. Oh masculinity, so fragile, so strange.